I can't believe it..I'm finally 30.
3 decades; 1987 to 2017 I have been on this planet called Earth.I didn't want to turn 30, in fact the fear to turn that age was SO REAL. I loved being 25, it was just a good year for me. I was in a relationship, just started a new job within education, moved into my own flat...life was good. Plus I loved how saying I was 25 sounded aloud. I thought 25 meant I was grown oh boy was I so wrong! After my 25th birthday I went into complete denial in regards to my age. I rebuked that I was now entering my late twenties, why should I accept it? Every year after that I refused to state my age. It got so bad on my birthday cakes, I would get 25 + whatever the age was in the smallest writing on the icing, real talk.
Then I turned 29 and the panic set in! In terms of career, love life and where I thought I would be at that age...I wasn't..at..all. I wasn't even backside close and it upset my womb. It really angered me because I wrongly assumed that at 25 I would be married (why the fuck I thought I would be ready for such a huge commitment at that age is beyond me I was sniffing skittles.) That's partly the reason why I decided to put on my theatre play Ex-periences because if this was going to be my last year of my twenties; I had to achieve something that I was proud of!
SO... my 29th year really whizzed past. I was so focused on my debut theatre production that I put to the back of my mind that my birthday was fast approaching, I managed to forget about it until Christmas. My family have a lovely tendency to remind me of my age because they know it upsets my ovaries and wanted to know what I thought about it. My best friend and I would constantly say to each other "garcon we are thirty in a few months...can you believe it? We are so old!" We're both dramatic...that's part of the reason we get on so well, plus we are both nutters.
You would think I was getting ready to start my application for moving into an old people's home but that's truly what I felt like! Do you know how it feels to be scared that you're best years have passed and you have nothing to prove for it? I felt like I was a failure because society shoves down your throat all these ideals and norms that we are supposed to adhere to and if you are unmarried with no children at 30 then there's something wrong with you, there HAS TO BE! The pressure on you from your family, friends and work colleagues are so real when you tell them you are single at 30, I might as well told them that I have 3 tits it would have got the same reaction, the truly personal questions and assumptions follow. You start thinking about your past relationships and if you somewhere made a mistake, could you make it work with one of your exes if they came back, what's wrong with you and how you get to where you are right now.
LET ME TELL YOU NOW...FUCK ALL OF THAT
Yeah I said it! Of course self-reflection at any age is important but seriously take a deep breath and woosah. I'm fully aware of what age I am and when my birthday is but do not allow your age dictate where you should be in your life. Who sets the standards for what you decide to do. If you decide at 25,35, or 75 what to do with your own damn life...who can tell you anything? Especially when they have no right in the first place! Did you come out of their vagina? I think not. I understand that you will always be your parent's baby blah blah but that doesn't mean as an adult you can't turn to them and make them aware that you are old enough to make your own decisions even if they don't understand or agree with them but as an ADULT you have to stand for what you believe for and what you are passionate about I just hope that your parents understand and still support.
I've spoken before about my battles with PCOS so when others judge me for not having a child yet like their name is babysitter it frustrates me to a next level. Then I remembered I don't need to stress myself for the choices I have made and I am comfortable with. It takes alot for someone to have self-belief and I think our generation are sometimes too damn opinionated on what others should do. The culture of leaving comments on social media has you guys thinking you can spew your ignorance, hate or negativity without any repercussions...but this is me we're talking about! I wish I was one of those people that could hold their tongue when I feel a type of way...but I can't and fuck it I'm thirty I am who I am. However, I've also learned that not everything is worth me arguing or debating about...it's just not worth my breath, anger or patience so it's better to walk away.
I haven't had a birthday party since I was 16 and my mum told me to go out for dinner but I thought "no that's too regular smegular I'm going to make a big deal that I'm turning 30. Some of my close friends turned 30 before me and they were all saying the same thing about becoming that age and I have to admit that I agree wholeheartedly!
Turning 30 comes with a new level of maturity, you will look back at your twenties; the good, the bad, the OMG, the *shit I forgot all about that" moments and there's plenty of times when I realised that I seriously fucked up. But all those moments bought me to the woman that I am today. During my "Vex In The City Live" on Instagram I reminisced on the last ten years of my life and as nostalgic and sometimes highly emotional it was...it bought a sense of excitement to see what will happen for my thirties. Some of you #Renegades have been reading Vex In The City since I started this blog when I was 21 so you have had a first row seat on everything that has happened, this November marks 9 years of my blog and the decision to start blogging has no doubt lead me to this decision now as I'm currently a freelance scriptwriter ready to start the next level of my writing and my career, crazy right?
The night before my birthday I prayed because more than anything I was grateful. I have my health, my family, my home and I am abundantly blessed. There are so many situations I'm sure that God has kept me from, he's protected and guided me. I have seen how some things that have happened to me are connected and have lead me to the path that I am on now it's mad I really can't explain it! I've never been a materialistic person so to be in a position where I have my basic needs met is all that I could ask for and I'm so grateful for!
Being 30 you also have a strong sense of who you are a person. What you will tolerate, what you will not stand for, what you want, how you want it and what you need to do in order to achieve your dreams and goals. Do you think I knew all of that at 25? Fuck to the no! But every year has bought me invaluable experiences and lessons. Every friendship. relationship, heartbreak and argument has made me stronger, even the people that have disappointed me or hurt me in a way I never thought possible has enabled me to see who I am as a person and moving forward I know what to look out for and I'm not afraid to speak up for myself.
As for men....psshhh a betch is not expert on that but then again I'm not trying to be! The whole point of starting my Vex In The City blog was that other's out there realise that we all go through the same things AND IT'S ALRIGHT TO! I gravitate towards people that are honest, real and don't give a fuck! I'm not going to blog to you on how to get a husband when I backside don't have one myself..but I can tell you how to flirt with someone or show that you're interested! I'm aware of what I can speak on and what I can't! I'm in no way shape or form a "know it all" I can't stand people like that I want to kick them in the chest to be honest because I'm still learning & I love that about myself. If there's something I want to know more on I will read, research and listen to others.
SO my birthday party is tomorrow and a betch is excited! I haven't had a birthday party like I said in over 14 years. Sometimes you only see your family when unfortunately someone has died or at a wedding, I'll be seeing friends I haven't seen in months and I can't wait to dance the night away and drink, oh I'mma drink the hell up! More than anything I just can't wait to spend the night with those who I know and love and celebrate LIFE! Don't always wait for a reason to do so...celebrate your life!
Besides my girl Tori has a challenge to do on my birthday and I can't wait to see her achieve it!
What have you learned turning 30 drop your words of knowledge below!
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