Why I Will No Longer Apologise For Being Busy
The past 18 months of my life have been life changing...literally.
If you have been following my blog or social media, you have seen first hand my ups, down and borderline nearly went to jail moments when pursuing my career of being a freelance writer.
To this day, I think alot of people downplay how much work is involved with running. maintaining and managing your own blog. Let me tell you...this shit is anything BUT easy. I have been writing Vex In The City for the past 8 years for one simple reason...because I love it. If I didn't, I would have stopped doing it a long, long, long time ago!
I've repeatedly said doing Sarah Akwisombe "No Bull Blog School" really was the first major step in what has lead me to where I am right now. Mainly because I learned so much as this blogging game has CHANGED but I realised that I had some serious work to do. It was either I invest my time and passion into writing full time or I called it quits on Vex In The City and happily continue working within education.
But one thing about me...is I am NOT a quitter
Have there been moments when I've taken the easy way out? Of course! Especially when it comes to things like going to the gym with Lucifer and he's trying to tell me to do burpees and my response is a clear-cut 'NO' which technically means that I didn't quit...I just didn't do it in the first place!
So as I embarked on revamping my blog career, God decided to plant the vision of my own theatre production...great! As you can imagine holding down a full time job as well as putting on a full length theatre play made me incredibly busy!
There were times when I went for WEEKS without seeing anyone apart from those that I worked with and my cast. That was it. Good thing I wasn't in a relationship because I have no doubt they would have left me for the very same reason!
I've realised that as driven as I can be... I sometimes become so tunnel visioned that I forget to actually take care of myself. That included treating myself to nice things, relaxing, going on holiday, spend time with my friends and family. I pride myself as the eldest sibling, the crazy aunty and the Godmother of now 2 children...I take my responsibilities very...very seriously. Sometimes a little too serious!
As the #YearOfLavish began and I wrote down my financial, personal and business goals, thanks to my daily "Year Of Yes" journal last month I realised that I've achieved 95% of my goals *busses a bumflick in celebration*.
However, recently I began to feel incredibly guilty that as much as I have made huge strides in my terms of my career...I had forgotten about myself, and I felt bad that I hadn't spent time with my friends and family as I wanted to. Even my own friends would make sly comments "Delia always say's no/she never comes out/I haven't seen you in ages/you're always busy". I believe hands down that my mother's love language is 'Quality Time' as is mine so if she doesn't hear from me every 2 days...she panics internally. My mother and I have an extremely close bond, but we're also like sisters...as crazy as that sounds! I'm VERY protective over my mother and I feel responsible for her, it's a huge reason why I work so hard because I don't my mother to be working for the rest of her life...and she won't...trust me on that! But my mother even started commenting that she hadn't seen me and that I regularly go into "hibernation mode" (yes that's what she calls it) when I'm writing scripts.
I began to come really frustrated within myself because I felt that not many people understood how badly and important being a writer is to me. I had quit my very well paid full time job and left my year group behind so that I could concentrate on my career 100%! There have been times in the last year where I have not eaten, barely slept, spent my entire savings, attended events all over the UK, networked my booty off, ended relationships and friendships, made sacrifices...all for my love for writing.
I began becoming so use to say "sorry" to people that I was sounding like a replay of Justin's Beiber's song.
But then I got to a point where I realised:
Why should I apologise for investing time in MYSELF and working hard to make my dream a reality?
The career I have chosen is NOT easy to even get your big toe in, it's not for the faint hearted and those looking to get quick fame and money from it..do not last long! Every single sacrifice that I have made this far...has paid off immensely. I have learned so much within the last 18 months I seriously can not put it into words, and every small goal that I achieve just ends up setting the bar even higher.
So therefore I've decided:
I'm NOT sorry that I can't go out raving with you because I have a script idea that I just can't get out of my head and it requires my full attention.
I'm NOT sorry that you are unable to see my vision, hunger, drive for my career that it means that you are not a priority for me at all times.
I'm NOT sorry that I have multiple business meetings that I do not tell people about, nor do I have to because...it's my business.
I'm NOT sorry that with the way things are going...I'm probably only going to get busier.
I can honestly say that during the #YearOfLavish has honestly been a huge eye opener for me to see how strong my friendships are, some have lasted and only got stronger and others...are a myth. But that's all a part of life and growth! Finally my mother has understood the way I work when it comes to writing scripts, and her support not only this year but my entire life has been immeasurable and I thank God for her every single day!
Now that I have practically hit all my goals already, I'm excited to see what God has in store for me not only for the rest of the year but moving forward and I honestly can't wait for every single moment of it. Additionally, now that I've achieved certain goals...I've made even bigger and better ones for the rest of this year and beyond. The sky is literally the limit!
People sometimes will try to keep you within a box that they are comfortable and familiar with, they will sometimes pour their own insecurities onto yourself and have you doubting yourself or feel wrong for trying to grow and pursue your dreams. Previously, when I was on the the panel for the "What A Woman" event last year I said
As the months have gone by, I have also learned the importance of having days where I do absolutely nothing, I do not touch my Macbook on purpose, I do whatever I want and go wherever I want because...it can't be ALL work, a betch sometimes needs a cocktail or 6, or to laugh until I snort or I can't breathe. As busy as I can get...it's important to not to forget to live!
If you're an entreprenuer/creative/businessperson like myself...keep going! There is no-one better to invest time into THAN yourself! You may not see the rewards immediately...but there will come a time where all the dots will start to connect and you will only learn, get better and create even more goals for yourself! Keep striving and those that don't like it tell them to KISS YOUR ASS SO WHAT!
Kisses & Bumflicks