One thing I've realised more and more as the days goes by...a betch doesn't have time.
None. Between me trying to spend time working, understanding and bettering myself, writing and rewriting scripts, preparing for my new job, attending events, praying, spending time with my friends and family who has time in the day to entertain a fuckboy? Not me. I love this word because back in the day we rinsed "wasteman" so much that it didn't hold enough weight anymore and calling a man a "dickhead" to his face might result in a violent response. Therefore when the word "fuckboy" came around a betch was ALL FOR IT.
I rarely hear the female equivalent "fuckgirl" ever been used, don't think it ever has been to be honest. What would be the female equivalent please let me know! It can't be bitch though, that word is used so much in everyday vocabulary it's unreal, and I can't even lie I use the word so much on a daily basis, exhibit A below.
NOW, obviously it goes without saying that you can't just be using expletives here, there and everywhere. There's a time, place and person for it. If a random mofo' tried to refer to me as a bitch I would cuss him and his mother's underneath! So I hope that you all have the common sense to know if and when to use such language.
Anyway back to my point, as I've told you many of times about personal life (sometimes a little too much!) I decided last year to have "No Dickstrations in 2016" mainly to due the fact that I felt in my ovaries how amazing 2016 was going to be more myself financially, emotionally and career wise and I didn't want to be "dickstrated" by a man or a relationship because I know how I am when it comes to liking someone or being a relationship.
I'm a typical Pisces, we're emotional hopeless romantic creatures that do NOT like to express our emotions freely because we're scared of being hurt. If a man breaks my heart, I will spartan kick him in the chest, come on , look at the name of my blog, you know the rage is real and I've watched way too much UFC to allow a man to walk away hurting my feelings without a choke hold!
After my last relationship, I decided that I was going to concentrate on what makes ME happy and not attach it to having a man. Throughout my twenties, I have been through it all, and to be honest there was so many times that I swore I would never put myself in that situation again but before I knew it I was making the same mistakes again and again. Now I'm older I've realised both the fuckboys and my part to play in whatever went down because let's be real it does take two. I had to ask myself "what IS it about these fuckboys that you find attractive, and despite everything in your body and your womb telling you not to go there...you still try find the good in them and stay?" I'm sure you can think of PLENTY of times when you should/could have walked away from a toxic relationship and didn't. I was wasting time, emotions and sometimes money on men that truly didn't even have the decency to give me the respect and loyalty that I deserved let alone anything else within our relationship/situationship. Let me tell you something for free, don't be falling for some man that doesn't give you what you need within a relationship and forget about your damn self.
It took me a long...long time to get that. As "smart" as I am I had a weakness and instead of me reflecting and working on it, I deflected or ignored it completely. But surely Delia-Rene, there's nothing wrong with having a huge heart and giving my all to a man right? Erm YES there is. Because what happens Renegades is that you end up over-compensating them with your love, affection , time and everything else and do you know what happens? THEY GET LAZY. These ignorant fuckboys will become accustomed to you doing everything for them and they don't have to anything in return and do you know why? Because they never had to do anything in the first place to get it! You'll be there cooking, cleaning, and giving this man the greatest fan-fan of their life and he hasn't even given you a slice of toast and cup of tea in the morning? And you've never stepped a big toe into THEIR house? Betch why? Now don't get me wrong I'm not saying it should be tit-for-tat but betch it should at least be EQUAL.
I look back and see the things I did for fuckboys and all I can do is laugh, I was so naive, insecure and deluded. I used to believe by showing a fuckboy how committed I was to our relationship that he would fix up and want to do more for not only himself but to keep me as well. I wanted to be that "ride or die" couple with my man in front row shouting at the top of his lungs that I was his woman and showed me off to the word and a betch would happily stand there, pose and smile and say I HAVE ARRIVED.
But remember...they're fuckboys. They're not going to do all that. When I wrote Ex-periences, one of the characters Jade was what she thought was a relationship with Tyrone, blurts out she loves him and his response was to get out of her house as quick as possible saying he was "just looking for fun, nothing serious". The amount of women that sighed, cussed and commented at that one particular scene made me realise that I am not alone going through this situation with a fuckboy but that was the beauty of it we've all been there but that doesn't mean that you have to STAY THERE.
Especially with where I am now, I can say wholeheartedly what kind of partner that I am looking for. The fact I'm using the term "partner" says a lot within itself. Especially as I'm 30 (I know I keep making reference to it but it's because it's really made a difference to my mindset) it's allowed me to look at the last 10 years of my life and decide what I want for myself in this new decade. One thing I will not tolerate in no way, shape or form...is a fuckboy. I don't care if their dick or tongue ascended down from the heavens and he could put my ass to sleep I am not interested. Fuckboys serve absolutely NO PURPOSE within my life and what I want to achieve, if anything they will take away from it.
Unless a man holds the same morals, work ethic , beliefs and maturity as myself it's not going to last long or end well. Would I like to be a in relationship? Of course...eventually BUT at the same time I'm not in a rush to find it. Instead I'm going to allow it to find me, because when I look myself I end up with diarrhoea. Maybe I'm looking in the wrong places or I just have bad luck who knows? I want a man that is actively pursuing his career, goals and what they want out of life. Who understands that relationships take constant effort, consistency, understanding and willing to grow WITH me and support each other. Your partner should be your biggest supporter and believer in everything you do even if they don't necessarily agree or understand some of the things that you want to but they do it because they understand that it makes you happy. I want someone that is random and spontaneous, wants to go for a walk on a random evening, do fun things and has a sense of humour but also likes to chill indoors because I can be a bit of a hermit sometimes. It's about finding that balance, that person that COMPLIMENTS you but not COMPLETE you. You do not need a man/child in order for your life to have purpose or value, you have that already by God's grace and unconditional love for you (Hallelujah!)
So whilst I sit at my laptop every day, at home alone, with a glass of wine and music for company...I know that one day this will all be worth it! And as for all the fuckboys that are trying to ruin my peace....they can EXIT STAGE RIGHT!
Kisses And Bumflicks