Miss Me With Your "Relationship Goals"
Like I get it, we all aspire to be in a relationship, where a man/woman openly professes their love and adoration for us, they are supportive, they're not only your lover...but a GREAT friend. We want something that is long lasting, where we both grow, and we manage to get through adversity and struggles together...that REAL love.
We live in a generation that is obsessed with social media, you are, don't even try deny it. Taking 30 days away from my social media break made me realise how much time I actually SPENT on my phone doing sweet F.A (f*ck all for those that don't know) and of course I follow a few relationship bloggers and vloggers so I often see posts relating to reationships/baes/couples and low and behold underneath such posts of couple's you will see the stereotypical "RELATIONSHIP GOALS" underneath it.
We all like to know when two famous celebrities/socialites/influencers declare their relationship on social media. To just name a few recently Michelle from Destiny's Child got a bae, Latoya Luckett got engaged, Cardi B with rapper Offset, Black Chyna is with....who frigging cares?
We all know the pictures as well, usually with some song lyric underneath it, a picturesque background, matching outfits, makeup BEAT and a filter to have their picture looking like a book cover; and their audience....suck...it....in. All of a sudden that celebrity couple is "goals" because of one picture, because they are selling you guys a dream , an image that you crave to have!
Now I'm not saying that there is anything WRONG with wanting a loving and healthy relationship let me make that clear. What you need to be careful of, is wanting something and believing in a couple that you don't even KNOW just because of what they post on social media!
When Nikita and her jobless/whatless boyfriend started posting on social media...the UK audience sucked it up like a loaf of bread in soup! I mean I get that it was nice to see, a young couple letting the whole world get a glimpse into their relationship...and over 160,000 of you decided to subscribe to their YouTube channel and follow their relationship. Especially as we don't often see couples of ethnic minority within the UK on social media platforms, they tapped into a profitable market which in itself bought popularity, brand endorsements and opportunities for both of them...and they knew it.
I would be lying to say that I didn't see their first video because I did..and so did many of my friends and I remember specifically when I saw the video saying to my friends:
"I hope that it's real, that it lasts and I wish them the best"
Do you know what I did after I watched the video? I carried on with my life that's what! Because neither of them pay my bills and have anything to do with my life...a betch had things to do. That's not being a "hater" it's being honest, they tapped into their market and was doing their thing and that's all well and good but why would I sit and watch every video of their relationship when to be honest...I wasn't invested or interested?
Life goes on and then people damn near had a heart attack when these same "relationship goals" couples call it a day and end their relationship.
People then obsess as to WHY they broke up, and they go to town. Start looking at Instagram posts for clues, indirect tweets and near enough stalking their social media looking for answers like a private investigator
Even if you get a detailed response with receipts as to the break up of their relationship it still leaves a taste of dissatisfaction in your mouth. Because you was rooting for this couple, you really liked this couple, you emotionally invested and wanted to see them win and last. Somewhere or somehow some people think that if THIS couple can do it...then it's only a matter of time until their King/Queen comes along too. But when it doesn't last you're left alone looking for someone else to aspire to.
Why does it have to be a couple within social media? Why does this perspective get your undivided admiration without question?
Let me give you the real, if you want to know the couple/couples that are admire....are my GRANDPARENTS!
Some really underestimate the power of our elders, they truly went through adversity, tough times and they did it together. Now don't get me wrong, that's not to say that they were perfect, but they were always honest about their flaws and DESPITE their flaws my grandparents were together for over 50 years. Now I don't know about you but THAT is what I pray to have. To have a man that prays with me every day, finds a new reason to fall deeper in love with me, makes a loving home with me for our family, still makes me laugh, plaits my grey hair for me when my hands can't do it anymore (hold tight my Grandad for that), who dances with me in the middle of the sitting room and doesn't care who's watching.
Now I'm sure there are many things within my grandparent's relationship that I was not privy too, or aware of. There are many things that I will never know or understand which I'm sure would make me look at my grandparents with a serious side eye but I'm not under any delusion when it comes to that. But irrespective of that, there are so many invaluable things that I'm truly thankful for that my grandparents ingrained in me and shown me that it is possible to have. As you go from relationship to relationship, you learn, you grow and you know what you will/won't stand for, it's all part of learning process.
Those that choose to display their relationship on social media, have every right to do so, it's your account..your life...your business. Again, there is nothing wrong with wanting to put a picture up of your bae. However, if that relationship then becomes your "meal ticket" then understand what comes with that territory, your audience will literally chew you up and spit you back up for every aspect of your relationship and what you choose to put out there, and we've witnessed many times when that same audience turns against you.
They always say that there is three sides to a story: your side, their side and then THE TRUTH
We all live within our own truth, we stand by it, we will defend it until the end. Especially as stubborn as I can be, I've learned that it's important to understand that I'm not always right (although most of the time...I am), to say sorry and move on (even though I love to hold grudges for way too long), and to understand your partner's point of view and to argue about the ISSUE and not about anything else (and not be in my feelings for too long).
Personally, I will not be blazing my relationship on social media....for why? My patience and temper is a myth so if anyone tries and comes for mine I will end up in jail. I've done well so far to keep my DBS clean and I will like to keep it that way for as long as possible. But don't let my smile for you....I can go into hulk mode quickly.
Instead of looking at OTHERS for relationship goals, remember that you are only seeing a SNAPSHOT into their life, it might LOOK good but not all that glitters is gold. You never know what happens when they've finished posting, some people only do it for the likes, for their brand and the attention. Soon enough, the cracks start to show, the posts become less frequent and you realise that you fell for a facade. Do not become so engrossed into other's relationships that you forget about your own, especially taking care and loving yourself!