Secrets… everyone has them one way or another. We keep secrets from our friends, family, work colleagues and vice versa. The only person to know each and every secret is God almighty, and I know some of you are nervous about the things he’s seen and knows about our lives, but God is good & loves you regardless!
Anyway back to my point, there are people that can keep secrets well and those that have diarrhoea of the mouth that should NEVER be told anything and should know better, as soon as you let someone else know something that wasn’t supposed to be told…it’s no longer a secret.
Some secrets are good, some are juicy and controversial. Especially in this day and age of social media we allow strangers and people we hardly know into our personal lives quite easily and without thought most of the time, but then we justify by saying “they don’t really know my personal business” but as the saying goes, a picture can paint a thousand words.
You’re judged on EVERYTHING nowadays, from your choice of display picture on BBM & Twitter. To what you tweet and put up on Blackberry, Facebook blah blah blah. How many times have you seen someone’s picture or tweet and thought “you’re annoying/ you’re cool/ I wish you would shut the hell up.”
Anyway, maybe its personal choice or a defence mechanism but some people decide to live very reserved lives or keep a lot to themselves… especially men. We women know that men do not tend to like women that talk too much, talk to loud or talk back. We women will digress our problems, past relationships, emotions & feelings, what we had for breakfast & the person that pisses you off at work who you wish you could choke slam into the floor to our friends and family & even people we hardly know, furthermore sometimes getting to know someone we pour out our lives, this conversation is easier when alcohol is involved.
It’s often been said “don’t let too many people know the details of your relationship” because highlighting your problems and issues with your partner invites too many opinions and often terrible advice. Sometimes you do want an outside opinion whether it’s to make you feel right about how you handled the situation, you genuinely want their advice, or you just need to outlet to someone else apart from your partner as to why they piss you the hell off & you usually start the conversation with “this stupid/dumb/annoying boyfriend of mine….”
Men don’t tend to let people know the ins and outs of their relationship because from their point of view, they don’t really need to know. The only thing that people need to be aware of is that is their woman, do not approach her, do not disrespect her, do not pass go, and do not collect £200. If & when they come across a problem or disagreement they can handle the situation themselves, they are fully aware that his girlfriend will probably tell at least ONE woman (usually her best friend) and usually dramatise what happened between them, but they are confident that when it comes to things that should remain sacred that his partner has more sense to blabber, there has to be a level of trust not only in terms of commitment but in communication too.
My question however is… “is there such a thing as being TOO secretive?”
Is there a boundary from not letting anyone know your business to not knowing your business at all? Obviously we don’t want to be seeing/dating a stranger and it’s understandable that it takes time to build that trust and close relationship. But how long is too long before you realise that even though you know you’re partner you don’t really KNOW your partner?
I know people that when they start dating, they say “let’s just keep our relationship between you and me for now” and as women you 99% of the time will agree, even though in your head you’re doing backflips because you’ve got the man you’ve been crushing on for a while (don’t lie). However how long do you allow your relationship to stay a secret for? Before you know it, you’ve been with him for a YEAR and as far as everyone else is concerned you’re “just friends”.
I’m not saying everyone has to know the place and date of every time you meet your partner, but if people aren’t even aware that you’re dating especially if you’ve been with them for a while you have to question their motives. It’s the simple acknowledgment and respect of saying publicly “I’m seeing (insert name)” is not too much to ask in my opinion.
There has to be a deeper reason apart from “I don’t tell people my business/ I’m really reserved/ it’s just the way I am” that you find a reason to keep your relationship secret. I’m not saying you have to stand at the top of the hill with my face printed on a t-shirt and you shout your undenying love for me, this is not Twilight this is real life.
You like to be awarded and recognised for all your hard work you do, from your parents, your close friends and from your workplace so why not from the person you are seeing?
If you’re investing your time, emotions and life with another person and you KNOW that you are more than “just friends” why would you keep quiet over something that doesn’t need to be so quiet?
Because from when you allow someone to do that, the lines are blurred, you’re uncertain of your place and position in the relationship. You start to rationalise everything in your head “yeah we’re not official but we act official when we’re together, he/she does this for me, I’ve met their parents, he/she say’s that to me, but I feel like we’re in a relationship” before you know it your going out your mind as to what you are to that person and where the relationship is headed.
Instead of concentrating on what they have said, you need to concentrate on what they DIDN’T say. If they haven’t called you their woman/man it’s because to be brutally honest you’re not. You’re a friend, a friend they spend time with, get on with real well, speak to on a regular basis, likes your pictures and statuses on Facebook, sleep with (and thoroughly enjoy doing so), confide in… but you’re NOT their partner. I don’t care how many friends and family members you’ve met, how many dates you’ve gone out on, how many pictures you have together on your phone, you’re a friend choose which one you want to be Rachel, Ross, Phoebe, Chandler, Joey , Monica whatever.
If you get to a point where you decide being called a “friend” isn’t good enough then fair enough, but at the same time you shouldn’t have allowed to be called a “friend” for so long and now all of a sudden you want to act like a monthly phone bill contract and want to be upgraded. If you’re a friend how many other friends does that person have? What makes you certain that you’re so special? I’m not saying it to be harsh I’m just asking simple questions.
I’m just saying from day one of the courting/dating/relationship ground rules have to be established. You shouldn’t expect a marriage proposal you have to be realistic but you also have to be respected at the same time! It’s not nice being friend-zoned by someone that you are interested in pursuing a relationship with, so make sure that they put BOY or GIRL in front of that friend word, if it’s something that you both agree is where the relationship is at.
Kisses & Bumflicks